DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT
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DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT
We thought you'd be interested in reading Diana Athill's Don't Look at Me Like That, a novel originally published in 1967 which will be reissued as a New York Review of Books classic next week. The only novel Athill, better known as an editor at London-based publishing house André Deutsch and for the candid memoirs she wrote later in life before her death at the age of 101, Don't Look at Me Like That follows the coming-of-age of Meg Bailey, an illustrator in London in the 1940s after World War II. The daughter of a clergyman who grows up with a simple, frugal, lower middle class lifestyle, Meg becomes best friends with Roxane Weaver in boarding school and university, a stylish girl from a wealthier and more worldly background. As Meg struggles with her insecurities and starts to enjoy her newfound desirability as a woman in her 20s, the world of London publishing and high society, and being an independent city girl in a still-conservative society, she finds herself falling for Dick, Roxane's husband, unleashing a subdued storm of longing, secret desire and wallowing dissatisfaction, and an uncompromising awakening of her own sexuality.
A common if forbidden trope in TV, movies, and books, the idea of a girl sleeping with her best friend's husband/boyfriend frequently appears in popular culture, such as in Megan Thee Stallion's earlier rap music which projected a highly feminine, sexually confident persona, Tina Snow, who slept with her friends' boyfriends, or in TV shows like Gossip Girl where Blair and Serena become embroiled in a catfight in season one after Blair learns Serena slept with Nate, her then-boyfriend, or in HBO's Euphoriawhen Cassie sleeps with Nate, her best friend Maddie's abusive ex-boyfriend. The Amazon Prime India TV series Made in Heaven features this trope as well, when Tara finds out her steel magnate heir husband has been cheating on her with Faiza, a divorcée and the only person she trusted in the cruel upper echelons of Delhi society. In literature, this trope has appeared in Anaïs Nin's diaries such as in Henry and June, when Anaïs has a three-way affair with Henry Miller, who is married to June, a close, intimate friend of the author.
Universally looked down upon in society due to the betrayal meted out by the friend embodying the role of side chick, paired with a copious pouring of shame against the very same woman for having needs (both emotional and libidinal) which she seeks in her best friend's boyfriend (or husband), this trope reveals more about the complex relationships between women rather than (no pun intended) the Dick who gets in between: Meg and Roxane are interlocked in a latent competition with each other, particularly for Meg who is from a less enfranchised background, a social climber who was not given success or standing in life, and has more to prove about herself; insecurity is a motivating factor, as the friend who sleeps with the boyfriend seeks love, affirmation, and a sense of existence-driven purpose from him; and ironically, the betraying friend also harbors intense admiration for the deceived friend and what she represents. Paired with a sense of dissatisfaction with herself, it makes for a perfect trifecta in which Meg (or any other woman in this position) falls into Dick's arms.
Diana Athill, who edited groundbreaking (and sometimes difficult) authors like Philip Roth, Norman Mailer, Jean Rhys and V. S. Naipaul, uses her trademark empathy and wit to temper the drama of the novel. Nor is anyone really a villain, least of all the protagonist of Don't Look at Me Like That: feeling horrible and guilty for breaking Roxane's trust, and realizing she can never be with Dick, Meg plays the cards life has dealt her, trying not to lose her optimism and still having a witty rejoinder for what life - and love - throw at her. Written in a confessional style with a self-deprecating, humorous bite, a diaristic venting that unveils Meg's insecurities–while allowing her to candidly reflect on them as well–the themes of friendship, class, love, independence and womanhood in Don't Look at Me Like That still resonate today, making it relatable for any woman intent on discerning love and a sense of self in the 21st century.
Written by Iman Sultan
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